So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
