It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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