I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
