We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
