is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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