well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
