This house was built for laser tag.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
