Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
