I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
