I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
