why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
ttyl tear gas
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
