i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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