you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
