Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
