Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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