end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My ass is underappreciated
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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