All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
