I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
