There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I've blown a few things in my day
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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