i'm signing you up for texting rehab
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
