She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
