i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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