his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Randomize
