I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
