the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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