I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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