I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
