ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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