420 ftw
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
