I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
