I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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