just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
