Got a toothbrush?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
