he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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