Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
