I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
