I swear she didn't look like that last week.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
