i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
