3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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