Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
His nipple licking is glorious
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