I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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