just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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