it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
