Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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