you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
