mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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