i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
