This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
