So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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