Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
