i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My life is pants optional.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
