Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
