She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just cut my nipple shaving
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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