So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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