So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Randomize
